I am puke
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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