Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
