Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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