i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
