Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
