chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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