they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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