I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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