well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
