in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
