How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
