I'm jealous of your bromance
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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