There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
