you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
