no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
