Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
