I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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