The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Randomize
