I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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