And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Randomize
