Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
