Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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