I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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