They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
