i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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