ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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