I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize