Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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