I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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