come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
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I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
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Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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