Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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