So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
