Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
