Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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