I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
