As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
