i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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