She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
