i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
