im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You're like the curious george of whores
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Are we still banned from the library?
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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