just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!