Texts From Last Night

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was

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  (410): Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was http://tfl.nu/b47l
  Replies (14) Good night (778) Bad night (1496)
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  (949): View more from California

  if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous

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  (949): if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous http://tfl.nu/ia7j
  Replies (28) Good night (9180) Bad night (1221)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?

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  (561): How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible? http://tfl.nu/fu3i
  Replies (101) Good night (984) Bad night (4595)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.

  (1-480): View more from Arizona

  Do I even want to know?

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  (480): My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend. (1-480): Do I even want to know? http://tfl.nu/wopv
  Replies (28) Good night (4695) Bad night (1894)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely

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  (610): yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely http://tfl.nu/qwih
  Replies (7) Good night (2975) Bad night (1076)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"

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  (701): Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro" http://tfl.nu/ltp9
  Replies (3) Good night (2193) Bad night (1095)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.

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  (901): Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic. http://tfl.nu/8z3j
  Replies (7) Good night (2573) Bad night (769)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.

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  (607): Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night. http://tfl.nu/v41h
  Replies (6) Good night (2447) Bad night (832)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband

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  (512): ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband http://tfl.nu/p8hd
  Replies (5) Good night (645) Bad night (1952)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.

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  (773): Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame. http://tfl.nu/s2ml
  Replies (3) Good night (1089) Bad night (584)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese

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  (503): I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese http://tfl.nu/zq39
  Replies (1) Good night (467) Bad night (559)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.

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  (203): If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that. http://tfl.nu/gaz3
  Replies (1) Good night (730) Bad night (354)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.

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  (706): You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse. http://tfl.nu/b73q
  Replies (3) Good night (467) Bad night (696)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.

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  (904): I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day. http://tfl.nu/ua14
  Replies (1) Good night (601) Bad night (311)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...

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  (509): In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched... http://tfl.nu/ted8
  Replies (2) Good night (406) Bad night (300)

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