that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.