i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
