Texts From Last Night

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  (925): View more from California

  2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?

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  (925) 2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you? http://tfl.nu/l1ls
  Replies (11) Good night (721) Bad night (1116)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass

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  (860): I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass http://tfl.nu/kwec
  Replies (24) Good night (1437) Bad night (5225)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.

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  (931): My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life. http://tfl.nu/ajpd
  Replies (9) Good night (5100) Bad night (834)
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  (343): View more from Ontario

  His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted

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  (343): His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted http://tfl.nu/gnt2
  Replies (10) Good night (4801) Bad night (780)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.

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  (651): She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations. http://tfl.nu/80vt
  Replies (8) Good night (3280) Bad night (703)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.

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  (603): A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you. http://tfl.nu/2hjp
  Replies (4) Good night (2626) Bad night (573)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.

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  (606): I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well. http://tfl.nu/cs63
  Replies (5) Good night (824) Bad night (1437)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.

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  (724): Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/sfkv
  Replies (7) Good night (876) Bad night (1662)
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  (283): View more from Ohio

  He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.

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  (283): He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought. http://tfl.nu/hl8d
  Replies (3) Good night (1734) Bad night (525)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  I don't even want to know

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  (630): You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican. (1-630): I don't even want to know http://tfl.nu/s13d
  Replies (3) Good night (1155) Bad night (520)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?

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  (406): So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen? http://tfl.nu/aobn
  Replies (2) Good night (1509) Bad night (484)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.

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  (512): i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem. http://tfl.nu/a4iw
  Replies (11) Good night (770) Bad night (1738)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.

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  (920): He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level. http://tfl.nu/rkz6
  Replies (1) Good night (427) Bad night (198)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Pathetic yet considerate

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  (954): Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up. (1-954): Pathetic yet considerate http://tfl.nu/ng7i
  Replies (2) Good night (602) Bad night (191)
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  (477): View more from

  He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER

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  (477): He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER http://tfl.nu/0g26
  Replies (8) Good night (309) Bad night (180)

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