my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'