forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
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its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
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these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.