they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Blood and glitter go together right?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You're a waste of cheezeits
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
