The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
