Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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