i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
