Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
