I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize