Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
