Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
