I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
