and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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