I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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