Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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