i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
