As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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