dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
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