Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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