I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
