i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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