I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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