Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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