just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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