Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
