He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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