Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
