I feel like abortions should bother me more
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
