ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I could fuck to npr.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
