Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
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If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
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doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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