I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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