Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i think i just lost a toe
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
