Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize