I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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