Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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