I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
