just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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