just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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